Monday, March 2, 2009

Purim 5769: This Year's Oscar Contenders

In honor of Purim, here are this year's Oscar Contenders....

"Schmaltz with Bashir" - In the summer of 1982, Arik Sharon and Lebanese General Bashir Gamayel share a hearty meal of gribenes with mashed potatoes soaked in chicken fat, when bad news arrives: their cholesterol tests are back.

"Slumdog Minyannaire" - Unkempt congregant stumbles into services only to discover that it is his destiny to be the tenth person; he wins the grand prize: the third aliyah.

"Milchiks" - Tevya the Dairyman plays the role of Harvey Fierstein as Anatevka's first gay matchmaker. Things get interesting when the Cossacks and Village People and merrily drink "L'Chayim" while dancing to the tune of "YMCA," while the rabbi mutters, "May God keep Anita Bryant...far away from us!"

"The Reader" - Drama ensues in a packed courtroom as Torah reader takes the stand to confess that, twelve years earlier in the tumult of war, she mistook a Samech for a Final Mem.

"Defrost Nixon" - Seeking to soften the President's cold image, Henry Kissinger takes Nixon on a tour of backroom kiddush clubs in the Washington area. They then eat too much herring and gefilte fish, causing the producers to change the name of the film to "Fress Nixon."

"The Curious Case of Benjamin's Button" - "First, it was Joseph's coat that went AWOL. Now this! A missing button! Next, they'll accuse him of stealing a goblet!" frets Jacob in this poignant family drama.

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